Podzilla 1985

Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Pessimistically Off-putting and Oppressively Ruminative (Part 2)

It should go without saying that I am no fan of myself. I don't think it's the case with every single person that experiences depression, but it makes sense that someone that can't control their own feelings of hopelessness won't see themselves in a positive light. I have particularly negative feelings toward myself, as well as the assumption that everyone else shares those feelings. 

If I don't even like myself, why should anyone else? 

I won't argue whether or not that reasoning has valid points, it's just something long periods of absolutely bottomed out self esteem has produced, and it's very hard to reason against. In fact, logic is completely disarmed in these fights because they're my own thoughts and they make perfect sense in my head. I like to rely on logic quite a bit, so it took a long time to even start to think that maybe this doesn't make as much sense as I think it does. When you couple that reliance on logic with paranoia, new and awful ideas take root. Coincidence has no place in a paranoid world, and when that person you don't even know just happens to look your way and laugh, there's obviously no other reason for that laughter than you being the most pathetic being they've ever witnessed.