Podzilla 1985

Friday, July 11, 2014

Lebron James Goes Back to Cleveland & CM Punk Goes Back to Walmart Because He Forgot Something

Proving that love of ones roots are far more important than money, fame, or being humble, former Heat
player Lebron James is heading back to the city of Cleveland.

It may seem like a case straight out of the "Who Gives a Shit?" files, but this shocking turn of events is legitimately the biggest thing to happen to Cleveland since Bone Thugs n Harmony broke up.

Again.

For like the hundredth time.

It may seem like a mistake to go back to the city that despises you because you abandoned them for a more lucrative deal, but humanity is forgiving if nothing else. Right now thousands of Cavs fans are piecing back their King James posters and sifting through the ashes of his jerseys to see what they can salvage.

And make no mistake about it, this is a labor of love for King James. He had more success with the Heat than he ever did with the Cavaliers. So why would he go back to this hive of scum and villainy we call Cleveland? He did it for the fans. He did it for the kids just like him who had a dream. He's doing it for the ones he loves when it's most convenient for him.

In an interview with Sports Illustrated, James talked about his love of the city that never sleeps...on officially licensed Lebron James sheets.

 "It's where I ran. It's where I cried. It's where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up. I sometimes feel like I'm their son. Their passion can be overwhelming. But it drives me. I want to give them hope when I can. I want to inspire them when I can."

Fans were quick to forgive James, saying that, in relation to the death threats and celebration of his exit, they were "just playing."

In related news, Cardinals fans still want Albert Pujols to rot in hell.

And somewhere in Titan towers, Vince McMahon is staring longingly at a picture of Phil Brooks.


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