Podzilla 1985

Monday, June 30, 2014

Money in the Bank -or- How the Grinch Stole Momentum

I tried to let this Blogzilla thing die. Honest to God, I really did. I realized that there is a difference between stardom and internet stardom, and I don't want to become some kind of PewDiePie, Markiplier, or any other kind of alleged entertainer with legions of fans. I want to be known world wide for something, but I don't want it to be some kind of internet ranting or trying to get the attention of the kind of people that make PewDiePie a millionaire.

A fucking millionaire.

I told myself I would focus solely on screenplays, because what I want to do more than anything is make movies. I posted on both the official BZ85 Facebook and my own private one that I was done. I was finally prepared to walk away from this site after years of moderate success. I had a great time, and got to interview some celebrities and personal heroes. I also interviewed a nude model and struck up a friendship with her, which becomes odd when you're talking casually to a person you see naked all the time.

And then, there was Money in the Bank. John Cena, all by himself, inspired me to write one more article for this cursed site I can never escape from.

But why? Why did I feel the need to come back to rant online when I took a very serious stand against ranting online?

Fucking.

John.

Cena.



If you didn't see the PPV last night, you're either one of the hundreds of thousands who hasn't bought into the WWE Network and cost Josh Matthews his job, or you knew what was going to happen before Supercena ever strutted down to that ring with that fucking smug look on his face. Despite all of the talent in that ring and the chance to shoot a new wrestler right up into the stars, they put the belt on Cena. Again.

Fucking.

John.

Cena.

I don't hide the fact that I'm a John Cena fan. The man works hard, he doesn't fail wellness tests, he is extremely charitable, and he does whatever the brass tells him to do. I don't even blame John Cena for his victory last night, because I know he didn't ask for it. He didn't have one of Vince McMahon's ears at his lips so he could whisper little things to him to get himself another title run. There is no doubt in my mind that Cena was told he was going to win, and like the company man he is, he did what they told him to. Maybe that smug little smile on his face wasn't because he was in Boston and he knew he was going to win. He is obviously self aware of the crowds reaction to him, including the overwhelming boos in his own hometown, and hew must have known that him winning the title was absolutely pointless.

But, what else was he supposed to do? He could have always Punked the WWE and walked out on his contract because he didn't agree with how he was being booked. Then maybe the WWE fans would chant his name again, for years and years after he's gone, because modern day WWE fans are better tools than even Binford brand.

It's not Cena's fault. I will never understand why the man gets so much hate. He's not Hulk Hogan playing a creative control card, and he didn't marry one of Vince's other daughters to get a higher spot in the company. He does everything right, he's a straight shooter, and we boo him for it. It isn't fair, and I consider that mentality a part of a bigger picture of what's wrong with America.

Now, WITH THAT SAID....

Putting the titles on John Cena was the worst possible decision they could have made last night. The company is in a slump and their solution is to go back to the same well that dried up years ago. Does Cena sell t-shirts? Absolutely. He's a great talent who makes them a lot of money. But, so did the nWo, and WCW kept going back to the ride that same horse until it broke its back and someone had to put it down.

Making money on the short term is not the same as creating avenues for revenue. What Cena gains them in the immediate aftermath of his title victory will pale in comparison to everything they will lose when both the hardcore fans and potential subscribers. What is the point of paying money to watch something when the outcomes are so predictable?

If you look up and down that MitB card you would be hard pressed to find a match that didn't have an obvious outcome. Seth Rollins was obviously going to win the first ladder match, because there was no one else there that they've put any kind of buzz on to even come close to a title match. The only other viable candidate was Dean Ambrose, but they wrote themselves into a corner where they have to push Rollins to the moon or else his turn will mean absolutely nothing. That still didn't stop them from making him look like a complete weakling now. After getting his ass kicked for the past few weeks by Ambrose, he needed help from Kane to win.

That's fresh.

Let me go off on a side note and say I'm sick of Kane. That man has become an absolute poison to anyone he comes into contact with. Again, it isn't his fault. Kane is one of the best big men in the business, but the absolute abysmal storytelling constantly puts him in a position to just screw someone over or kill any kind of momentum they have. He exists only to suck the excitement out of an angle, and much like the stale evil GM, he needs to go the way of the Dodo. Or at least the Koslov.

Big E had no chance against Rusev. It wasn't going to happen. They've put too much into Rusev to give up on him now, and even though I loved the match the two had, you knew there was no way E was going to get the W. He has a better chance of giving Lana the D.

Paige vs. Naomi? They haven't pushed a black woman since they pushed Jazz and Miss Jackie into the unemployment line. That's a shame, because Naomi is both insanely hot and talented. I've now lost why I ever liked Paige to begin with, because the fantastic writers have portrayed her as, again, a weakling that lucks out rather than actually winning. She'll be jobbing to a Bella within six months.

Paule Revere vs. Adam Rose? Well, first off, Rose is almost dead in the water. His gimmick is incredible when the crowd reacts, and when they don't it's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in wrestling. I'm not a huge Sandow fan, but he deserves better. If you thought he had any chance of winning, you are WWE's favorite kind of fan.

Although the best moment of the night was his declaration that the elbow was coming. Awesome.

The two tag matches could have gone either way, but considering the recent emergence of Stardust and the lack of dedication to the tag division as a whole, the outcomes were definitely likely. Nothing much to say there other than Luke Harper is going to be a huge star.

I usually defend the Diva's and feel bad for them when the crowd turns on them, but the Layla/Summer Rae match was the kind of thing you would have seen on Velocity once upon a time. If it weren't for Layla's ridiculously delicious body I would have chanted CM Punk along with the rest of the fans. And then I would have shot myself in the fucking head because I'd be a major asshole.

And then there was the main event.

Amazon accidentally leaked a poster for Summerslam showing Cena taking on Brock Lesnar for the title. The backlash was incredible, and there were rumors that they were rewriting Money in the Bank. Now, logic would dictate that means they were going to change the finish and accomplish two things. Cena wouldn't win the title and alienate the fans even more, and the finish wouldn't be predictable at a time when they need to be fresh and exciting.

So, of course, they stick with the plan and Cena wins. Again. Cena is champ. Again.

Fucking.

John.

Cena.

Despite lackluster numbers for the Network and dwindling fan response to the product, they decide to stick with their guns and put the championship on a guy who does need it. Any one of the other wrestlers in that match would have gotten a huge boost from winning. Even Alberto Del Rio would have been a better choice to be the face of your company at a time when just mentioning Cena's name loses a percentage of paying fans.

I don't understand how Vince McMahon sees the world. Cena has his fans, and over the course of the past few years he hasn't gained new ones. He's lost more and more of his following because of nonsense like this. When the average fan grows up and learns that wrestling is a work, they don't see Cena as the superhero who can overcome all odds. They just see him as a road block in the way of making new talent stars, and he is the drudgery that they can expect at the top of the card. It's bad enough that pay per views feel like just another show because of the Network, we don't need the same guy dominating at the cost of making new stars. I can literally hear subscription numbers falling.

Maybe I'm wrong. After all, Vince McMahon is rich and I'm ranting online about it. Like I swore to myself I never would again.

I realize now that as long as there is bullshit to rant about, it's my civic duty to whine and bitch.

Thank you, John.

Thank you, Vince.

You've given my life meaning again!


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