Podzilla 1985

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Under the Gunn: Can They Fill Tim's Shoes?

Tim Gunn is at it again, though this time he's running the show. Project Runway's new spin off "Under the Gunn" is hosted by none other than the man himself. His new show takes everything he loves about Project Runway and give a new little twist.

Three established designers are being given the chance to mentor four new designers each. This competition will play out much like Runway with challenges being issued and one designer being eliminated each week. The designers are fighting for a prize package, but so are the mentors. If a mentor runs out of designers they too will be out of the competition.

The first two episodes were simply rounds of picking teams. The designers were split into two groups,  given a challenge to complete in six hours and also had a chance to meet with the mentors part way through their work. The goal, to prove themselves worthy to be in a mentor's group. While the fifteen designers worried about making it into the final twelve, the mentors got to have a look at portfolios and see how each designer worked under pressure.

So far I'm still more interested in the mentors than the designers, but then again two of them were favorites of mine from past seasons of Project Runway.

Mondo Guerra, has been a favorite of mine since pretty much the begging of season 8 of Runway. I didn't always like the looks he made but they were always interesting. I was included in the hordes of fans who though he got cheated out of winning his season, to the boring but oh so retail ready Gretchen. In turn I was ecstatic to see him return in the first season All Stars and take the big win. He has his own line of eye wear through SEE Eyewear in stores across the country, and will be releasing designs in collaboration with Crocs this year. Though as much as I love to cheer Mondo on there is another face that I have been waiting to see return.

Nick Verreos,  was my favorite to win in season 2 of Project Runway.  Which just happened to be the first season I ever watched of my now favorite fashion show. Sadly he didn't even make it to the finals, but that didn't stop the man. He's had several celebrities wear his work, including Katy Perry, Beyonce, Eva Longoria, and Carrie Underwood. I've been sad that he hasn't been in the ranks of the All Stars, but that could be because he's been teaching at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising (FIDM) in L.A.

Finally rounding out our mentors we have Anya Ayoung-Chee. A former Miss Universe contestant and the winner of Project Runway Season 9, Anya is a fan favorite for many people. I like her work, but she was a real under dog on her season. She barely ever finished her looks and until the last few challenges they were often very similar. She does however have two of her own clothing lines that started in the Caribbean, PILAR (her women's wear line) and ANYA DE ROUGE (A lingerie line).

I'm curious to see how these three compete with one another since they themselves won't be designing but rather playing Tim's role to these new designers.

Back to the new group of designers. I haven't picked any favorites yet. There are a few I'm curious about and some I already can't stand. I am however going to try and stay open minded, at least until I see a little more of their work. The real competition is after all just starting.

I just hope this doesn't turn into one giant cry fest. I mean in the first two episodes everyone was already crying! The designers cried fighting for their spots. The Mentors cried feeling for the designers. Even Tim cried! I do not want to watch a weepy bunch of artists. I can do that on my own.

That all being said Tim has yet to let me down so far. I'm looking forward to seeing this all play out.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

CM Punk Exits WWE.....Good Riddance!

Let me preface this by saying - I'm actually a CM Punk fan.

Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I'm a big CM Punk fan. I was straight edge long before I had ever heard about Punk, but he made me feel better about my choices since a lot of the people I knew seemed to look down on me for my beliefs. He was great on the mic, solid in the ring, and had a character you could really believe. He wasn't the kind of two dimensional phony that we're force fed week in and week out.

When I found out that Punk has apparently walked out on the WWE I was initially proud of him. He's tired of the same crap we are, and he stood up against it and told the machine to go fuck itself.

He is the voice of the voiceless, right?

Well, sort of. The more you read in to it, the more you realize the only voice he cares about is his own.

I remember a time when CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder stood in the ring together as champions and I thought that maybe things would be okay from now on. That would be the last time I would ever feel that way about the WWE. Even so, I never lost faith in those three. Those were my guys. Here were three made men who had come up from nothing and made their own fortune. 

Of course that lasted all of like a week. Before too long, Ryder was buried like a stinking corpse and Bryan was put into a nonsensical comedy role. The only person that came out of this smelling like a rose was CM Punk, who went on to a legendary title run that put him amongst the all time greats.

You wouldn't know that by looking at the sorry sonofabitch, though. The man walks around with the kind of sad expression that would make even Eeyore tell him to brighten the fuck up.

Punk, for as long as I've been a fan of his, has done a very good job at painting himself to be the victim of the machine. This is despite his multiple title runs and top tier feuds, which I guess doesn't matter when you're asked to step away from the spotlight and let someone else have some face time. 

It was reported today that CM Punk has walked out on the WWE, and the biggest contributing factor to that is because Batista came back and is getting the headlining spot at Wrestlemania instead of him. A few years ago I heard Punk say that the last thing he wanted to accomplish in the WWE was to headline Wrestlemania, and it looks like another year is about to pass by without his great milestone. 

Like I said, all of the things the WWE has given him seem to be meaningless when they ask him to step aside and let someone else take the top spot. Whether or not you agree that the person to do so should be Batista, and I personally don't think it is, it's not his decision to make. Voice of the voiceless, best in the world, whatever to whoever, Punk is still an employee and when you're told to do something you do it.

But that's not who Punk is. No, he's not a rebel, either. He's a little brat who gets pissy whenever he doesn't get his way. He's fine with talking about taking down the machine and how Vince is a millionaire who should be a billionaire, but for every fan that buys into his act I hope they realize that all that translates into is that CM Punk should be the focus and no one else.

If it were Orton vs. Bryan in the main event at Wrestlemania, Punk would have walked out just the same. It could have been Colt Cabana vs. Chris Hero for the world title and Punk would have still walked away, because in his mind Punk is the only person worth a damn in the entire industry. 

He recently did an interview with Ariel Helwani, and it he said he wouldn't be a fan of wrestling today if he weren't in it. You could take that to either mean he dislikes the industry as a whole but puts up with it because he works there, or they without a CM Punk there would be no industry. Either way, this one time underdog hero just comes across as a egotistical jackass. 

I swear, this is my fault. I always pick the complete dicks. I grew up idolizing Hulk Hogan, who I found out later was a controlling ego maniac who held everyone down. I adored Shawn Micheals, who turned out to be a cokehead and as bad of a politician as Hogan could ever hope to be. Then there was Matt Hardy, who is just a complete fucking moron with drug and anger problems. 

And a hot wife he does not deserve. 

And also beats, apparently.

So who is next on the list for me to put my chips on, only to slowly corrupt them into selfish fucks that I'll someday rant about? I've taken a shining to Bryan lately. Run, Daniel, before you become really successful, and then really, really self absorbed and ultimately insignificant.

And as far as you're concerned, Mr. Punk. I wish you nothing but the best in TNA, assuming they can afford you, considering they can barely afford catering. Samoa Joe eats a lot. You're more or less guaranteed a title run there, since they have a policy that allows all WWE wrestlers to go over their home grown stars. It's just good business. Maybe with your spot left open in the WWE another unappreciated talent can step up and finally get a chance to shine.

And hopefully appreciate it.

It's not like the roster is short on hungry talent. There are plenty of people for Triple H to build up and then demolish completely once they "hijack" the show.

Run, Roman Reigns. Just run.

I will miss CM Punk. For every tear he shed for himself, he also turned in a killer performance or cut an amazing promo that made you give a damn about the product. Not many people in the federation can do that anymore, as you probably figured out for yourself at the Royal Rumble when Cena, Orton, and Batista got booed out of the state. Still, it's hard for me to want to reward someone for acting like a child for not getting their way.

It's also hard to support a company that makes such obvious bad decisions when it comes to who they push. After the Royal Rumble I wasn't so sure about how much longer I could support the WWE.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

WWE - Talents Greatest Assassin

Vince McMahon is like a ninja.

He's some kind of crazy, aging, brilliant ninja who is stalking the halls of Titan Tower looking for his next victim. His prey of choice?

The next big thing.

No Brock, you're safe. Go back to your one-appearance-a-year-million-dollar-paydays and train for that UFC comeback. You might even take down Ronda Rousey, if you try hard enough. God knows I'd like to see someone shut that disrespectful trap of hers, since the beautiful and classy Meisha Tate came up short.

Ahhh, Meisha Tate....

I kid, I would never advocate violence against a woman. That's not entirely true, I did once, and that's why I don't work at GameStop anymore. I'm better off though, because now I'm free of the corporate hassles. Along with the corporate pay. Christ, what have I done with my life...

What were we talking about, again?

Right, Vince McMahon.

No, when I said that McMahon is looking for the next big thing, I actually meant the next up and coming star that he himself did not create. Or, hell, sometimes even ones he christens as the next star. Drew Mcintyre wasn't always a comedy act, you know.

I was watching Monday Night Raw on 1/13, and I quickly remembered why I stopped watching wrestling in the first place. In my head were the memories of a RAW long past, episodes where great characters found themselves smack dab in the middle of fantastic writing and an energetic pedal to the metal attitude. This is back when talents were trusted to cut their own promos, and even the smallest storyline had weight and importance to it. Children, if you weren't around for the fabled Monday Night Wars I truly pity you, as it was the greatest time to be a fan of this great sport.

Those days are gone now. You can find them buried in a landfill next to copies of E.T. on Atari, or maybe somewhere near Sean O'Haire's push on the other side of profitability.

I watched RAW because I'm currently on vacation and I figured I had some time to kill. Aside from the predictable match outcomes and embarrassingly bad promos and backstage segments, I did discover a true diamond in the rough. Well, the backstage interviewer was also quite exquisite looking, but her mic skills really made me miss the methodical shilling of Gene Okerlund.

The WWE Universe was treated to a cage match to finish off the show between the Uso's and the Wyatt family. I like the Uso's, they're like mini-Rocks with more altitude and less attitude. The Wyatt family, while I was initially a fan of, have certainly lost favor with me in the past few months. I've caught a couple of their promos, and while some would see them as cryptic and different from the norm, I think they've just become one dimensional. It's not hard to write a promo that makes absolutely no sense, you just throw a bunch of buzz words and random ideologies to a guy who can obviously talk the talk. No disrespect to Bray Wyatt, because I think he is a smashing talent with a good gimmick that is slowly slipping into mediocrity.

But then I saw the diamond. Glittering greatness, thy name is Daniel Bryan.

I know, you're probably saying to yourself that I'm some kind of Johnny-Come-Lately and that everyone already knows Bryan is amazing. I realize that people have been praising him since he came up through the indies, but I want to look past his previous achievements and obvious in ring skills and point out the simple fact that this is a man wrestling fans are completely in love with. The fact that he is treated like such a red headed step child just plain baffles me.

McMahon likes big guys. He likes big guys that look like legit bad asses, and he has no problem pushing to the moon. Sometimes you get an amazing talent like Brock Lesnar, and other times you get a Nathan Jones. Every once in a while you come across a talent that may not look like the biggest dog in the yard, but he barks the loudest and really resonates with the audience. Shawn Micheals isn't a monster visually, but you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would say he isn't arguably the greatest star in wrestling history.

And then you have Daniel Bryan. Here is a guy who has been spit on, de-pushed, humiliated, emasculated, and beaten down every time he got close to that glass ceiling. Even now he's put in a senseless angle where he plays bitch to a supposed cult leader.

Despite all of that, and even comparison to legendary superstars of the past, I have never in my life seen a single wrestler control an audience like he did on Monday.

Daniel Bryan has a connection with the WWE Universe that has never been rivaled in the history of this industry.

He shouldn't be at this point. There have been other wrestlers that danced around that distinction, but generally Ninja McMahon has stopped that ascent with the skills of a egomaniacal jackass.

I remember a few years ago when Zack Ryder was one of the hottest names in the business. People chanted for him when he was nowhere in sight, his merchandise sky rocketed off the shelves, and the moment "Oh, Radio!" blared over the arena speakers the fans would erupt. Ryder should have been one of the next big stars, despite the WWE brass giving him no opportunities. He made his own opportunity through the wit and creativity of his internet show, and he quickly went from near release to must see TV. One could argue that he ushered in the WWE's loving relationship with social media, but they'll never give him the credit for that. In a few months he will probably be future endeavored, and maybe TNA can give him the chance to shine that he deserves.

I mean, assuming they're still in business.

It's not just Zack Ryder. Dolph Ziggler was on the edge of greatness when he had his wings clipped multiple
times. There is also the aforementioned Drew Mcintyre, who McMahon himself promoted on TV before banishing him to Jobberland (established in the 90's by Al Snow). Let's not forget Matt Hardy, who after getting screwed over in real life by his friend Edge and girlfriend Lita, became a megastar that was quickly castrated and swept under the rug.

Hell, even Fandango got over in the strangest way, only to be placed back in the same old nonsense a mere few months later.

These people should be on their way to championship careers, but instead we get that old chestnut of Cena versus Orton.


And why? I've heard it's because McMahon doesn't see the potential in these people and he knows what is best for business. After all, he IS this business. He was the genius who took wrestling out of the territories and into the mainstream. For some of the people mentioned above I can see his argument. Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame, and the fans might have lost interest in the flavor of the week and he would have wasted time and money invested in them.

But you go back to Monday and watch the crowd react to every single move, movement, and eye twitch that Daniel Bryan makes. Watch as they chant with him, at him, and for him as loud as I've ever heard. I hope McMahon sees the way they go nuts at the mere act of pointing his fingers, and then I want to hear his explanation of why Bryan isn't a marketable champion.

Have him compare the smattering of reaction for Orton and Cena to the deafening sounds of the WWE Universe when Daniel Bryan takes stage. CM Punk was right. He's a millionaire that should be a billionaire.

And Daniel Bryan should be the unified champion, not a two time wellness failure with the emotional range of an acorn.

And Zack Ryder should be on TV!!!

Fucking Vince McMahon....

Friday, January 10, 2014

A Little Music Magic

For the new year I got to go watch "Saving Mr. Banks." I loved the film and it reminded me of the masterminds behind all of the great music in "Mary Poppins." For the Sherman brothers it was their first major job, but it wouldn't be their last. They've contributed music to movies, television and even the stage.

Growing up I never knew who these men were but I have loved many of the movies that their work has been a part of. I discovered a wonderful documentary on these two a couple of years back, "The Boys: The Sherman Brothers' Story", I highly recommend it to any Disney fan. It gives a lot of great insight to these two great song writers, who by the way are the evil geniuses behind "It's a Small World." Yes that overly cheery, get stuck in your head song that everyone knows was there doing.

Since I have been humming there work for a little over a week now, I've decided to share another top ten list with you all. So for your listening pleasure I give to you my top ten favorite Sherman brother songs..... I didn't mean to but they all ended up being Disney works....

10: "The Ugly Bug Ball" from "Summer Magic"

This silly little number it brought to life by none other than Burl Ives. I'll admit I've never actually watched "Summer Magic" but this song was on one of my Disney Classics albums and always stood out as a fun silly song. It's easy to find yourself singing along and is simple to learn the words to. Though I kinda prefer the sing-a-long song video better than the movie clip since it's played with clips from a Disney Silly Symphony "Woodland Cafe" mixed in, but for this I wanted to stick to the original format.

9: "Feed the Birds" from "Mary Poppins"

Richard Sherman said that is was Walt Disney's favorite song. As a kid I always got bored at this part of the movie, but over the years it has truly grown on me. Any more it is very hard for me to not tear up a bit whenever I hear it. When they played a raw version of it in "Saving Mr. Banks" I seriously almost started crying. It just tugs at your heart.

8: "The Beautiful Briny Sea" from "Bedknobs and Broomsticks"

This scene was what made me love "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" as a kid, and it remains one of my favorite Disney sequences still. It was originally written for "Mary Poppins" but cut for story continuity. It found the light of day though in this movie as a great transition before the main characters find their way to the main land of this animated world. I love all of the fish, and the dancing lobsters the most.

7: "I Wanna be Like You" from "The Jungle Book"

"The Jungle Book" was the last animated film to personally have Walt Disney's direction. This is another song that you just can't help singing a long to. You can't go wrong with upbeat fun in animated classics. This isn't one of my favorite Disney films, but I did always love the music from it. I like Louie better on Tale Spin though....

6: "Let's Get Together" from "The Parent Trap"

This song is probably the main reason I like "The Parent Trap." It's just so catchy and peppy. I love it.  Plus it always blew my mind a bit that this was Miss Bliss from "Saved by the Bell" when she was younger. I'll take the Hayley Mills version over the Lindsay Lohan remake any day... though I'll admit the remake wasn't bad.

5: "The Monkey's Uncle" from "The Monkey's Uncle"

How can you go wrong with Annette Funicello and The Beach Boys? This is another one that I've never watched but my Disney Classics albums put it in my Disney library. It's got that classic 60's beach rock that you can't help to tap your foot or bob your head to.

4: "Jolly Holiday" from "Mary Poppins"

This was always the part in "Mary Poppins" that I looked forward to the most as a kid. I've always been a sucker for animation and naturally the sings attached are ingrained into my mind.  Dick Van Dyke said that he loved doing this part of the film because his first love was mime and working with animated characters the experience was quite similar.

3: "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from "Mary Poppins"

This is just a feel good song. It makes you want to sing a long and skip with a big smile plastered on your face. It's test segment in "Saving Mr. Banks" hand me grinning from ear to ear, and tears streaming down my cheeks at the same time. Because of that I have to share both the original and newer clips with you.

2: "Chim Chim Cheree" from "Mary Poppins"

This is the one that I can't stop singing. I won't be doing anything in particular and I'll just start humming or singing it. There's a reason it won an Oscar. Now let's all sing-a-long this time.... cause I'm gonna any way.

1: "The Age of Not Believing" from "Bedknobs and Broomsticks"

I know, I know it's not what you may have been expecting, but this is my favorite Sherman brother song. I find it to be inspiring whenever I'm in a creative rut. I think that everyone has gone though a stage of giving up on dreams but it's something that doesn't have to be left behind. This song makes me cry because it strikes the heart and soul, but it's those same reasons that I know it by heart and love it.

There you have my personal favorite works of these two artist. They may have worked in the shadows, but their creations are well know by many.

Left: Robert B. Sherman 1925-2012   Right: Richard M. Sherman 1928 - present

ICP Sues the FBI....and I Support Them?!?

So it seems that the Insane Clown Posse has not taken the news that the government designates their fans as a gang very well. Dare I say, they've gotten their cute little hatchet man panties in a twist over the entire situation. They're so upset that today they've filed a lawsuit against the Federal Bureau of Investigation over the allegations that their fans are a "loosely organized hybrid gang."

And you know what? Look outside, because this might be the final days of mankind. I fully support the ICP in their lawsuit.

Make no mistake about it, I'm not an ICP fan. I think their act is tiresome and their music is subpar and caters to the lowest denomination. That denomination included my closest friends, who were huge ICP fans when we were growing up in Southern Illinois. I heard about how the axe was their buddy, and magical mysteries, and the Great Malenko blah blah blah. I wasn't buying it.

Sorry, Justin.

But I can fully admit that my opinion of ICP's music was just that - an opinion. In my youth I may have made some disparaging comments about the group or tried to convince my friends that they were awful artists, and for that I apologize. It's never any one persons place to tell someone else what is and what is not entertaining or "good."

As a fully grown adult, I can now admit that even though the ICP were not my cup of tea, they had every right to be on the scene and my friends were justified in their love of the group. Good and bad are mere matters of opinion, after all.

I haven't always hated ICP, either. I am a wrestling fan, and I truly respect their contributions to the sport through their time in the WWF and WCW, as well as their own JCW federation. These are guys that truly love and respect this great pastime that we've all dabbled in at one time.

I thought the way Tila Tequila was treated at a recent Gathering of the Juggalos was hilarious, although it really was quite mean. She took the stage and was booed relentlessly, as well as bombarded with bottles and trash. Her response, which in retrospect was probably a poor decision on her part, was to take her top off and try to sway the crowd back to her side with her enhanced breasts. It didn't work out very well for her, and she ended up suing the group.

Which brings me full circle back to the topic at hand.

Recently, the government labeled ICP fans as a gang, putting them on the same level as the Bloods and Crips. You know know those crazy guys, they're basically rival gangs who exist primarily to deal drugs and kill one another. And now the Juggalos can be long feared as murderous criminals who will blow you away for stepping inside their territory.

Except, you know, they won't.

I know a lot of ICP fans and while I don't always agree with the levels of their devotion, you can't condemn them for being devoted. Yes, they can become violent. Sometimes their antics are very anti-social, but if you're going to point the finger at them, why not at any other hardcore fan?

How many soccer games have you seen end up in complete riots? Even wrestling fans dress up, get rowdy, and sometimes beat and bloody each other over the pettiest of arguments. Why not gamers? Video games are responsible for the fall of civilization anyway, why not group us all together as terrorists?

Or would a video game gang merely be called a guild or clan...I'll have to research that one.

We've long condemned rap music as a whole, why not label all fans of the style as a gang and be done with it? Isn't that the message they're trying to send, anyway? They don't like what ICP is saying, they don't like the way their fans dress, and anyone who is that far away from the "norm" must be up to something terrible.

Even if some fans take it to far and do have a gang mentality, you can't accuse the entire fanbase of it. That's profiling, and we already have enough of that here in America to last us a lifetime.

I don't much like ICP, but I refuse to label their fans as a gang or the duo themselves as gang leaders. It's ridiculous, and just another embarrassment for a government that is closer to an organized gang than any group of fans will ever be.

Watch the press conference here at KFVS12, because they're live, local, and late breaking.

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Nintendo - How One Generation Could Have Changed Everything

If the Wii U is a joke, I don't see the punchline.

I've been a long time defender of the Nintendo Wii U, and the Nintendo brand as a whole, and I stick to my guns that they're the most innovative and enjoyable systems on the market. From the original Nintendo Entertainment System to the Wii U I've enjoyed my time with that beloved plumber and his hardware more than any other machine or mascot.

That's right, read it again.

But even I, the most humblest of internet personalities, have to concede that the Wii U has not lit the world on fire like I had hoped. Numbers don't lie, and the XBox One and PS4 have outsold the Wii U to the extent that a lot of people are worried that the latest Nintendo offering is already on life support.

VGChartz lists the Wii U selling a reasonable 220,732 systems globally the week of Dec. 28th, while the PS4 and Xbone sold 465,686 and 290,762 respectively the same week. If my memory is correct, and God knows it usually isn't, the Xbone and PS4 have already outsold the Wii U, at least in North America, in a few weeks compared to the entire Wii U's life span.

That's just not good news, folks. Unlike the general public, I hold out hope tha
t Nintendo can turn it around though, much like they did with the 3DS and Sony did with the PS3. Both systems got off to a very rough start and both systems, the 3DS especially, has enjoyed great success in the years since their release.

The biggest hurdle Nintendo is facing is the lack of a general direction or personality for their hardware. The big N has always been an innovator, and during the golden era of gaming you knew that the NES and SuperNES was head and shoulders above anything the competition was trying to sell you. Nintendo dominated the charts throughout the eighties and early nineties, but really started to lose its steam when the n64 went toe to toe with the Sony Playstation. That would be the last great battle they would know, as the Gamecube was greatly overshadowed by the PS2 and original XBox. Once the Wii came out Nintendo was already in an uphill battle to stay relevant outside of its handheld division, and though the Wii was a knockout in terms of sales, it greatly hurt their reputation with the so called "real gamers." Though designating someone as a "real gamer" or "casual gamer" is an ignorant argument, it can't be denied that gamers believed the hype and a lot of them turned on the one time titan of gaming.

The Wii U aimed to cater at that hardcore demographic by upping the graphics and third party support while keeping the innovation, but perhaps it was too little too late. It is a cool machine and one that I play quite often, but you can't say that it outsells or gets more attention than Sony and Microsoft's new gear.

And that's where Nintendo screwed up. The Wii U came out a console generation too late. It is superior to the Xbox 360 and PS3 in almost every conceivable way, but it came out in the final years of those systems life spans and just a year before the One and 4 took the game world by storm.

In my opinion, the innovation and sheer enjoyment of the Wii U's library outshines the upgraded ports and lackluster titles the Microsoft and Sony consoles have offered us so far. And that's without even diving into the Wii U's backlog of virtual console titles. It combines nostalgia, innovation, and power in a way that no other system does.

But no one cares, because the XBox One and PS4 are newer, shinier, and strikes a better cord with those so called "real gamers." You know, the ones who call you a faggot online and refer to you as some kind of nigger no matter what color you are.

But imagine if the Wii U had come out at the same time, or perhaps a bit before or after, the Xbox 360 and PS3. In fact, what if we rewrote history a little bit. Let's put the Nintendo family in this order - NES, SNES, n64, Wii, and Wii U.

"But Shannon! The Gamecube was awesome, why take it away? It had Melee!"

Settle down, Porkchop.

The Gamecube was a good system, but aside from a handful of games I really enjoyed I can barely remember its library. Meanwhile the Wii was filled with so much shovelware that it became a permanent black eye on Nintendo despite its success, and compared to the PS3 and 360 the system was woefully under powered and outclassed. Those Gamecube games I did enjoy would have felt right at home on the Wii as the two systems felt so graphically similar, and with the added first rate games from the GC maybe the Wii would have developed a much better reputation. Imagine how embraced and beloved the Wii would have been, back when its innovation wouldn't have been so hampered by its subpar graphics.

The original Wii's graphics would have held its own against the PS2 and Xbox, and it would set the Wii U up as a contender against the next generation systems and their fancy HD graphics and online capabilities.

I also would have changed the name of the Wii U to, I don't know, ANYTHING THE FUCK ELSE. Never have I seen more confusion over a new systems purpose, and that's counting the sudden influx of people referring to the original Xbox as the Xbox One. Nintendo should have just stuck with the horrible "Project Cafe" name. It may sound ridiculous, but at least people would know it was something new and not just an add on or companion piece.

And maybe, just maybe, if the Wii had directly competed with the PS2 and Xbox, and the Wii against the PS4 and 360, that lacking third party support would have resulted in a more even playing field between the three companies.

The Wii was like a beautiful assassin. She blinded Nintendo with her assets while getting a blade behind their back to stab them. For all of its profit it may have sent its parent company into a slow death that is being held off more or less by the success of the 3DS.

But, if it had just come out one generation earlier, I might have been able to boast about my blatant Nintendo bias without the little bastards at my store laughing to my face.

Fucking Nintendo.........I love you.

*hugs Mario doll tightly*

And, as a side note, the sites not dead yet, bitches.

In a few weeks, definitely.