Podzilla 1985

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Black Friday: The Human Zoo or Zombie Apocalypse


It's Black Friday folks... and you know what that means.

It's that miraculous day where store parking lots turn into human zoos and aisles become events in motion... Where you can park and walk along, gazing at the many variations of human in their natural consumerist habitat, coveting that which they treasure most; dolls, cell phones, microwaves, mp3 players, toaster ovens, spoons...

It's a fascinating creature, this modern day homo sapien. A being that is willing to bring torment onto others in an attempt to get first pick on a current stock of multi colored fisher price toys and nerf guns. An animal that will overturn a masterfully aligned stack of cans, to block the path of 12 others on their stampede toward a bin of 70% Off DVDs.

So head out into this night, not to cash in on deals... but to watch your fellow human act in ways that have somehow been found acceptable in today's civilized culture. Its the perfect event and there will be swarms of them out there, I assure you... even in places very near where you live.

To watch this theatrical show in motion, is a site to behold and I urge you to stay up late to watch the human revert to its brutal basic instincts.

Its kind of like that moment when you realize how sad it is to watch the playful monkeys get angry and start flinging shit at one another. You will soon find the intrigue diminish as you watch the acts of the blessed Black Friday event devolve from hilarious tenting on pavement and the use of urine bags, into wild howling and the ever present aisle 5 fight of two middle aged women going fisticuffs for a baby doll that micturates itself when frightened.

This is our society people... Enjoy the proudest night of the year for mankind.

Merry Day of Consumerism to you all, you wonderful but sad creatures of materialism.


Come to think about it, tonight is also the perfect chance to get a glimpse of what a Zombie Apocalypse could very well feel like. I'd say without the biting... but, this depends on your town.

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