Podzilla 1985

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

What's Happenin' Wednesday

So welcome to a little experiment here at Blogzilla 1985. Team BZ85 has been putting together a collection of stories that we're going to give a little time to for your viewing pleasure. We'll try to make it a daily thing, but considering the attention spans of our staff, IE me, we can't guarantee anything. But enough of your promiscuous mother, let's get to the headlines!


PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES

That's right, tonight is the first in a series of debates featuring our two candidates.

Two-because in a country filled with different races and ideals we're lucky enough to cram all that diversity into two political parties.

So what's on the agenda tonight? Well obviously the economy will be front and center, as rich old white guy is gonna try to put that uppity boy in his place. A recent study showed that unemployment is down, once again, but that will do little to calm the nerves of Uncle Jedidah and his kin from using it as an excuse to hate “that one,” if I can quote John McCain.


Hey, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't hate Mitt Romney. He is a well groomed man, and he speaks very well. Just go listen to the tape where he talks about 47% of Americans depending on government aid and feeling like victims and you'll see that his offensive remarks were quite clear and concise. But is he the answer we're looking for? Depends, ask yourself what Reagan asked the public during his infamous debate zinger – Are you better off than you were four years ago?

Really you need to go back further than that if you want to figure out how much better you're doing. Republicans can bitch and moan about Clinton, but he was the last great president. Bush, though dealt a bad hand from the beginning, was a joke of a president. He was a poor speaker, had the goofy grin of a frat house idiot, and when he opened his mouth he looked like a monkey. He wasn't the worst president in history, despite what the left wingers want you to believe when they hoist the heroic flag of our current POTUS. He was what he was, and he appealed to the bible thumping side of the country, and he convinced them to put down their rifles and elect him. Twice.

Twice. Think about that.

But what about Obama? He hasn't exactly lived up to expectations. I've been an Obama supporter since my college days back in IL, I've made no secrets of it. I remember arguing with my journalism professor, an intelligent right wing fanatic, along with my cousin about all things political and how we felt Obama would be president in the near future. And he was. He ran on the concept of change. He inspired a nation in a way I have never seen before in my life. Young and old, black and white, both wings – they all took notice when this brash young man threw his hat in the ring. He gave the presidency something it lacked since we, we being the ones who were concerned enough about their future to actually make their voice heard, elected Dubya – legitimacy and class.

But that was then. This is now. The rose colored glasses are off and its time we held Obama accountable for all that change he promised us. Because I'm looking at my life situation and I sure feel like I've been spinning my wheels since before Hussein took office.

We here at BZ85 are not going to tell you who to vote for. Do we lean towards the left? Sometimes. But more often than that I lean towards a free thinking society. Study the facts, watch the debates, make your own decisions and to hell with everyone else who tries to influence you. Whether you're a Republican or a Demy-crat, it's your right to vote.

Use it.


OREGON HOG MURDER MYSTERY

Moving on, there was a strange story out of Oregon this week where an elderly farmer went to go feed his 700 pound hogs in the morning and disappeared. Sort of. When they went to go find the kind farmer they found him, or at least parts of him, in the pen with all of those filthy beasts. It seems that one way or another he found himself devoured by his own farm animals. Police are investigating whether or not something happened to the old man that caused him to fall, or if the animals overpowered him. Or, just maybe, it was just good old fashioned murder with an inventive way of getting rid of the body.

Either way, imagine that for a moment. The man was torn apart and eaten by hogs. It reminds me of that old Simpsons episode where Troy McClure tells that rat bastard kid that if a cow could it would eat him and everyone he loves. The animals will fight back eventually and our country is screwed.

And that's just the ground animals. Pray to God the flying kind don't attack. Or have you never seen Birdemic?


EA CANCELS NBA LIVE....AGAIN

So looks like EA has canceled yet ANOTHER basketball game that was finished and ready to ship. You may remember the fiasco a couple of years ago when NBA Elite 2011 put up a demo that was so atrociously bad it caused Electronic Arts to cancel the game entirely. This was just before its ship date, when the game was done! I don't remember an exact dollar figure but I know they lost a ton of money on that one.

They skipped 2012 completely, which was probably a good idea since the 2K was stomping a mudhole and walking it dry on them. After failing to put out even one game under the new Elite title they reverted back to Live and was poised to make a comeback this year. And then they didn't.

WTF

The game was set to come out when XBOX's Major Nelson confirmed that EA was delaying it, and then we find out it's been outright canceled.

Again.

Now I'm no industry expert, in fact the closest position I got to in that particular industry ended in a nasty divorce, but I'm pretty sure that's fucking ridiculous. Whenever you think about the indie games releasing early just to make enough money to finish the game they just sold you through patches, or the guys on Kickstarter begging for scraps to fund their visions, remember that EA is making enough bank to finish AAA titles only to completely scrap them. They're literally burning money over there.

I understand not wanting to put out a bad game, but it happens all the time! Companies need money and sometimes you put out a terrible game to make bank and work on something better. Just look at movie based games, the initial Wii line up, or the Halo series to see that games don't always need quality to sell through.

The gaming industry isn't as indestructible as it was a few years ago. A lot of the companies I grew up with have gone under, and even current mainstays like THQ are kind of circling the drain. How can EA expect to survive when it's pouring money into games only to never release them? Battlefield is a great game but we all know its sales pale in comparison to the juggernaut Call of Duty series. You need money, you greedy savages!

Or die a horrible death. I don't care. I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to Ultima Online.


ULTIMA ONLINE CELEBRATES 15 YEARS

Oh hey, didn't see you standing there, beautiful.

Sosaria is a sight for sore eyes. You might think Everquest was the first big MMO, but it wasn't, and you should feel terrible for liking that awful 3D experimental suckfest.

Before your fancy WoW's and Guild Wars 2's, there was Ultima Online. It was, and in a lot of ways still is, the most ambitious video game title ever.

Its selling point? Pure freedom. Want to be a warrior? Go for it. A warrior who tames sheep? Do it! A sheep taming warrior who moonlights as a carpenter or a detective? What the hell are you waiting for, get in there big boy!

UO gave gamers a world like they had never seen before. Sure, there were MUDs, but those were text based and therefor useless. There was Meridian 59, but if you had ever played it you'd know why its existence is merely a footnote.

No, UO was the real deal. It was beautiful, it was intricate, it was pure freedom. It's fate is a sad one, though. What relevance it had to the industry died when Richard Garriott sold Origin to EA, the very same EA that pours money into games it never plans on releasing while ignoring once great titans like Ultima Online. The UO of today is much like Milton from Office Space – its there, but it ain't makin' much noise.

That shouldn't take away from its legacy though. I'll put up a full blog later about the importance of Ultima Online in my life, but until then let me just say HAPPY BIRTHDAY UO! There will never be another one like you, baby.


LA CLIPPERS STAR CALLS COP “FAGGOT” ON CAMERA

Yes, you read that right. The LA Clippers has a star.

So apparently Matt Barnes, when confronted by a police officer, called him a faggot and a pussy. All of which was caught on camera. Of course the monkeys in PR are trying to calm the situation down, and Barnes himself has apologized and said that his statements in no way reflect who he really is.

Seriously?

I don't understand celebrities. You know you're a public figure, right? With that comes a sense of mystery and class that most celebrities wave their rights to. A few weeks ago Paris Hilton just went off on gays and said some pretty heinous things about them, and Isiah Washington pretty much lost his career just for saying one homosexual slur.

And yet, week after week, celebrities are just giving the dirt sheet media story after story about their bigotry and hatreds.

We all say stupid things we don't mean. Most of us just don't have cameras in our face when we say them. One of the benefits of being inconsequential I suppose.


YOGA PANTS

We're going to end this particular segment with a question to the fairer sex. What's up with yoga pants? Not that you don't look smoking hot in them, most but NOT ALL of you do, but it seems the yoga pant is going to go the route of the thong. Once upon a time a thong was new and exciting and naughty and all those things that make high school boys wear their book bags in the front. Now, thanks to a more open society, and also Sisqo, the thong is common and a cliché. It's actually sexier when you find a girl not wearing a G-string hiked up above their hips.

I beg you women, mix it up a little. Too much of a good thing becomes boring. Everywhere I look its yoga yoga yoga, it's like a goddamn yoga convention. I expect Dahlsim to kick me in the fucking face every time I go to the mall.

Wear shorts, or mini skirts, or a goddamn Snuggie once in a while. Make me want it!

And with that insightful bit of observation, Team BZ85 leaves you for now. But thanks to stupid celebrities, money wasting corporate dirtbags, and murderous animals the world over, you can bet we'll be back with more.

Until then, dear readers, adieu!


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