Podzilla 1985

Monday, October 08, 2012

DOA 5 vs. Tekken Tag

I've always been a fighting game fan, even though I kind of suck at them. The only time I've been successful was the months of victories I racked up playing against the same guy, until his constant low kicks enraged me to the point that I quit, de-friended him, and traded the damn game in.

Nothing gets the blood pumping like a good fight. And now, we've been blessed with Dead or Alive 5 and Tekken Tag Tournament 2 coming out just weeks apart. But which one is more deserving of your hard earned cash? We took both titles for a test spin, and without doing a full review for either, we're going to give you the pros and cons that will hopefully help YOU decide which game to buy.

Cthulhu on loan from your adorable nightmares

Spoiler alert - It's Dead or Alive 5 (but try to act surprised!).

Everyone has their preference. Some people prefer Coke over Pepsi, Halo over Gears of War, and Ryu over Ken. These are the kind of people that need to be taken into an alley and executed.

But in all of gaming-dom there doesn't seem to be a bigger argument over who is better than in the fighting genre. Even when I was a child you were either a Mortal Kombat guy or a Street Fighter guy. I myself was a Mortal Kombat guy, if for no other reason than I was young and liked the concept of ripping someones beating heart out of their chest. Except of course, I had the SNES version, so all I got was grey sweat and fatalities so lame that their ilk wouldn't be seen again for years, until that watered down DC vs. MK crap.

Street Fighter was obviously the better choice. It had better graphics, better characters, better fighting, and just about beat the snot out of Mortal Kombat in every way. This was before Capcom went batshit crazy and became the money grubbing whores they are today, but you can best believe that the seeds were being planted. I'd like to bring to the courts attention just how many versions of Street Fighter II there were. Still, it was easily the better game of the two.

Can you handle my joy?
Still, Mortal Kombat did have an ice ninja ripping someones head and spine out...unless you had the SNES version. Which I did.

Now all of these paled in comparison to my personal favorite, the insanely rich and diverse King of Fighters series. But it would be a while before that one reached American shores, and by the time it did no one really cared much.

Fast forward through the industry and you can see the death of the 2D fighter and the rise of 3D. And if you don't remember very well, the early days of 3D gaming was ROUGH. DAMN rough. Go back and play the first Tekken and tell me, technological advances aside, it somehow looks better than Street Fighter. I dare you to lie to my face, you sonofabitch.

Say Hi to your God, fanboys!
Of course it wasn't just the fighting genre that gave up its beautiful 2D art for 3D shenanigans. Look at Final Fantasy VII's over world graphics and hang your head in shame, strange little box man.

But once you got past the PSX, 3D gaming really came into its own. The first Tekken was rough, but it was fun. Soul Calibur was great. And Dead or Alive, though a bit perverted, was a barrel of laughs. And breasts.

So here we are today, and Dead or Alive is still putting out a fun, easy to pick up, quality fighter. And the girls still have fun, easy to look at, quality breasts. But do big jigglies make or break this game? Despite what you may have been told from your friends who have never played the DOA series and just call it "that porn game," no, they don't.

Too much attention has been given to the near nakedness of the girls and not to the simple-yet-deep fighting engine that DOA employs. It all boils down to a rock-paper-scissor set up where attacks, counters, and throws all work for against each other in an intricate ballet of simplicity. You only have four buttons to use, only two of which actually swing a limb. It's that simple. But when you get deeper into the movesets, the speed, destructible environments, and that rock-scissor-paper set up you'll see just how well this title does, and always has, hold its own against the more "respected" fighters.

When Itigaki left Team Ninja before Dead or Alive 5, I assumed it would be for the worst. The guy may be a bit eccentric, but he knew what he was doing. The worst thing about the series, for me, was the lack of forward movement. Dead or Alive 3 was fun, so was Ultimate, and DOA4. But there just wasn't much of a step forward in the series. The games felt alike, the graphics were tweaked but essentially the same, and the modes were severely lacking.

You've come a long way, baby

I won't lie to you and tell you that all of these problems have been fixed since he left. The game is still loads of fun, and the graphics have definitely been improved. Kasumi alone looks familiar, but much more realistic, even if her breast size doesn't. The outfits even seem to be a bit more toned down. Most of the ones I unlocked covered their bodies completely, both to my surprise and overwhelming disappointment.

Funny enough story, apparently fans were so outraged at the new teams direction with more realistic looks for the women, that they actually convinced Team Ninja to make them more ridiculously big and bouncy. Read about it here, and realize why gaming is still being looked down on by people like the hags at the Today Show.

The online is smooth, which is good because you'll want to be sure you got your ass kicked fairly. And you will get your ass kicked. A lot. But at least you'll enjoy looking at the hot chick whomp stomping your ass all over Cyberville. Let's be honest, who plays as a guy in this game? If you answered "me!" then you're a Communist. Go play Halo.

So what's the prob, this sounds like a fantastic game, right? It is, but it has the same problem that it's had since the first game - lack of content. No, I don't count multiple unlockable bikinis as a treasure of content, though it is a nice reward. You still have roughly the same modes in the game, which are fairly bare bones as is, and next to no content rewards except for outfits and some hidden characters from Virtua fighter, which I admit is pretty bad ass.The story mode is new, and worth a laugh while it teaches you some basics, but is otherwise forgettable.

But that is literally the only complaint I have about this one. The game is fast and fun, and the two new characters hold their own pretty well. Adding an MMA fighter to the mix was just plain brilliant.

So what about Tekken Tag Tournament 2 then?

Tekken has always been a slower, more methodical, kinda boring fighting to me. Don't get me wrong, it's solid, and it has a great roster filled with some of my all time favorites.

But after playing Dead or Alive it just feels so damn slow! Someone who is better at fighting games will have more fun with it and will probably chain their combos together better. But for me, a simple kid, I'm basically taking one swing every few seconds and it ends up looking like an American action movie from the 80's, slow but painful, while DOA looks like the best Tony Jaa film. It's just not nearly as fluid or exciting, but I can see how it would be a better tournament based game.

The modes here are pretty basic as well, as most fighting games are to be honest. It's just so hard to not compare the lackluster content of these fighting games to one like the recent Mortal Kombat, which was just overflowing with goodies. Honestly, MK set a bar which no fighting game has matched since its release.

And while TTT lacks a lot of the downright hornyness of the DOA series, it does have a nice selection of outfits and, even better, customizable options for your characters. This has been a great feature since years back and is one of the best reasons to play this game. Even if you don't want to dress up your character like you're on Project Runway (Happy, Lindsey?), there are still plenty of outfits to choose from per character.

Even unimaginative characters like Anna Williams got a boost, with outfits like...wait a minute. Is that a fucking octopus!?!
I am so weirded out and turned on right now

 I better not hear any fapping.

Breast wrapping octopus aside, and it makes me wonder how DOA is the more perverted game, TTT is a solid entry in a fighting game I never found to be very interesting. I know that some hold the series as THE legit fighter, and it very well may be, but usually when I play games its to enjoy myself, not to feel like the ultimate legit badass Budokai Saiyan warrior.

Good game, but just didn't hold my interest.

Here at Team BZ85, we want you to enjoy whatever you enjoy. If you like it, run with it and to hell with everyone else. But if you want our opinion, on this one, go with DOA 5. It may be a little more light on the bells and whistles, but its just more fun to play. You'll be enjoying kicking your friends around the beautifully destructible environments too much to even care what mode you're doing it in.

And, for you perverts, rest assured that those DOA girls still have bells that will have you whistlin' Dixie. Right, Tina?

Okay. Commence fapping.

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